16.Refreshing Energy

last edited: July 13th

social media idea: dance to the song energy.

I mentioned in San Diego that for the first time in a long time, I didn't care what my family thought of me when it came down to what I ate. Well I am happy to report that I am continuing to ride that wave in other aspects of my life! It really goes to show that when you open your mind to something, whether it's physically tangible or internally, the universe (or whatever you want to call it), shows you more of it. The power of manifestation! But how did I get from point a to point b? Well like my blog site suggests, I don't have answers, but I am going to write my connections.

Lately I have been in a state of reminisce big time. Remembering both pleasant, and

unpleasant memories. Go back to my first blog post and you will see that I experienced a fair bit of bullying. There were some years where I just let it roll off my back, and others where I became a smaller version of myself. Guess which years were easier? That's right, the tough bitch energy where I let things roll off my back. A few days after I established that, my brain neurons connected and signaled the message, "look how much you've experienced? You never seemed to give two impressions of what people thought of you. Channel that back." Because of this, for the first time in months, I didn't feel dread coming into work, I don't feel the pressure to be the best in burlesque class, I can truly feel like it's okay when someone says it is, and I feel, overall, like I can listen better and understand conversations brought to my attention. I can just be as I lay, easily like on a hammock. In this mind frame, I've realized some truths.

I am realizing again who my people are.

It's so easy to concentrate on the people you

can't stand. It's spill the tea culture. But I was feeling unbalanced and leaning hard into the negative side. Why didn't they like me? Why was I being so awkward with this person? People pleaser through the roof. But then I remembered, more people like me than I think, but do I like them? Because that's ultimately in my control and a far easier way to spend my time and energy. No more trying to get people I don't particularly care for in the first place, to like me! What is the point?

I am learning not to be so surprised at non-surprising behavior. Coworker didn't do something they never do? Husband left his clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper? Dog barking at the smallest noise? I get it, it's so annoying. But you want to know where you instantly have control? Deciding how to react. I would get fiery and irritated when these things happened. It really added a drag to my day. Until one day, I decided to not care. Or, in other words, choose my battles. Now that I've put my energy elsewhere, I can realize that Jacob didn't put the clothes in the hamper because it was full. Elton is a yappy yorkie living in a quiet area. And my coworker is doing something that I wasn't giving credit for. Clearing up the head space!

Laughing it off. Three things are true. I can be dramatic, I am sensitive, and more joyfully, I have one hell of a laugh that I am not afraid to hide. I remember when I was a kid my sister said, "If it's true that you live longer by laughing, Emma is going to live forever!" So I've decided to unlock more of that energy into my adulthood. Elton sniffing the same bush every time we go for a walk? "Oh Elton, that must be a great bush!" Another customer

asking for the wifi password even though it's written on their key envelope and mentioned at check in? "If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question I wouldn't need this job!" Life doesn't need to be taken seriously all the time. If it direly needs your serious attention, it'll come back and ask for it.

So now I feel light hearted. In this state, I am more susceptible to the goodness that is my life. As I write this, I wonder how much of this is the power of supplements, diet changes, and my hormones straightening out? It's so energizing and refreshing! I know I'm still not where I want to be, but it feels comforting to know I am heading more in the positive life direction. My aura is light.

Awakenedly yours,

Emma