A Sensual Girl from Mormonville.

I told you reader my burlesque dance classes would get it's own post, and here it is! If you would have told me as a teenager in St. George, Utah, that there would be a point where I strip down to nothing but nipple pasties and underwear in front of an audience. I would've been completely stunned! It's not that I ever had a problem with those doing it, I just didn't think, sexually innocent me, would do it. I was the innocent tap dancing girl that nobody wanted to tell anything dirty to because they didn't want to "ruin my innocence." Well clearly, that didn't happen now did it? But I honestly can't blame them, for even now, I don't claim to be this hypersexual person. And I am glad I got to spend as much time being a kid, without the complications of sex, as I did.

But how did I get into burlesque in the first place? The first year of moving into Hayden, Idaho, I was focused on transitioning and planning a wedding in Utah. Fun fact, a study found that moving long distances is more stressful than getting a divorce! So, I had enough on my plate. But after the wedding I was itching to dance again. So I went in search of a tap class. After attending an easy 'advanced' tap class, I realized there wasn't much of a tap scene near me. Rude, but okay, let's find something else! That's when I found burlesque. I wanted to explore my sensual side and knew this would be good for my technique, so I registered. I immediately fell in love with it. The dancers were so supportive and the environment was so comforting. Having done it over a year now, this is crucial considering the kinds of costumes/outfits we wear. Additionally, I love how I get to explore this side of myself. It's opened all sort of opportunities for me; external and internal.

Before I knew what possibilities awaited for me, I went to a burlesque show to support the performers. I quickly learned that students, no matter the level, could perform solos. Me being the center of attention I am, I wanted a chance. So I asked about if there was opportunity for me to integrate tap and burlesque together. The teacher and me agreed that each of these styles have similar roots, so sure! Off to choreograph I go. I chose the song, "Moondance," sung by Michael Buble. The theme of the year/showcase, was classical burlesque so it seemed perfect. Plus it was the song I had stuck in my head every time I headed to dance class.

As I headed on this journey, I realized two things. Choreographing is and will always be hard. And deciding a costume to strip off had multiple layers to it (pun intended). There's the sweat that tries to stick to clothing, how to properly tape up your boobs, matching it to the time of the music, and being sexy while you do it. This all was a learning curve. And I was worried I wouldn't get it. So when the day came to do a small show, that was like a practice run. I was nervous AF. But I realized, this was my first time doing this, and it's completely reasonable to be a nervous wreck. Luckily, the feedback I got did not reflect the nerves I felt, even though my nipple pastie fell off. Don't worry, my boob was covered in tape and I covered it well enough. All I could think was, "well the worst thing you thought of, happened, so now you don't have to worry about it anymore!" I wish I could say I felt great after my performance, but I felt like my nerves got in the way of me putting it all out there. This made me realize how much I crave external gratification, and I how I need to learn to balance that.

So in leading up to perform this piece again, I reminded myself to have fun! I channeled this by dancing in the street with my dog. And guess what? My nerves on the day of the showcase were kept at bay, and I rocked it with my nipple pastie intact. It was a phenomenal journey of self growth that I could internally grace myself with. Not to mention, I was doing something Spokane really hadn't seen before. That is a tremendous feat!

After the showcase, classes were about feedback. And mine was to slow down and to move even more sensually. I won't lie, I took this hard at first, but reminded myself that this was my first year and I've accomplished a lot! So stop being so sensitive, I said to myself. I applied the feedback to a feminist Christmas piece back in December and felt I had met the intention. However, I didn't get the external feedback that suggested this, (looking for the external gratitude yet again), and this left me frustrated because I had felt myself grow so much! So after that December show, I took a much needed performing break, to allow my focus to be on myself and my health. I still showed my support at burlesque shows because I still had friends performing. In doing this, wonderfully enough, members of the community were asking me if I was performing another awesome tap piece. The part of me that loves being the center of attention, loved that I was being missed. But the community also understood my decision to take a breather. The support has made me crave creating and performing once more. My creative juices are flowing smoothly again without stress or pressure. So now I'm ready to get back in again! And while performing solo's is never a guarantee. Having a concept and a deadline helps to motivate me. But all and all, performing is not the point, it's to have fun in your body while dancing. Doing this has allowed me to appreciate my body, and all that it's going through, on a deeper, more understanding level. And I thank burlesque for helping reach this point.

Sexily yours,

Emma