My Trip to St. George, UT

When I decided to go gluten free I had two stressors. My trips to St. George and San Diego. Neither are events part of my routine and I felt worried about how I would navigate it with this new lifestyle choice. Luckily, the book, "Woman Code" set up a gameplan for these kind of situations. In reading she said," building new habits while on vacation actually makes those habits stronger." With this in mind, I was prepared to not make a spectacle of myself, but to inform those around me of my decision of continuing to stay gluten free on vacation, and game plan around the meals we would be having. In order to hold true to this, I sent Jacob a grocery list while I went and got pedicures with my girls in St. George! (He really is a doll).

Now of course there were bumps along the way. Many people, my mom included, didn't really know what gluten free means. And because my families love language is food, she felt bad that she didn't think of the fact that her pasta salad had glutenous noodles in it. I assured her its more than fine and dinner will fill me up. But overall, all 17 people I was surrounded with supported my decision. And with my preparation, my mom was able to make me a gluten free black bottom pie to enjoy. So I didn't experience fomo at all! And I was still plenty satiated from the rest of the food I could enjoy like my dads pulled pork sandwiches (with gluten free rolls), coleslaw and homemade bbq vinaigrette, and fish tacos served with chips and guacamole. It was home and it was exactly what I needed, without the not feeling great part since I advocated for my body. Doing this has better allowed me to eat when I'm hungry, not just because it tastes good. It's also allowed me to really understand what is going into my body and how it affects me.

Thank goodness for this realization during my trip because leaving my hometown was BRUTAL. The day we were supposed to leave was actually quite fun. I ate some oatmeal my dad made me, then went on some e-bikes with my sister, her family, and my mom. We biked around Snow Canyon for 3 hours. I burned 1,280 calories by 1pm! Even more freeing was stopping and digging my feet and hands into the sand dunes. Which has been harboring my dreams, that finally got satisfied. Half way through, we stopped at a coffee shop where I enjoyed a gluten free bacon and egg sandwich and latte with cardamom. After the bike ride was over, we went and got yummy gourmet popsicles, and I checked out a hat shop where I purchased a glittery pink cowgirl hat! Then we all said goodbye to my sister and her family.

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We relaxed that afternoon for a little bit, but then figured we should get on the road so my mom wasn't driving too late. I was definitely stalling and feeling sad to leave. But knew we had plenty of reason to leave when we did. But I still couldn't help but feel like I should've stayed the 45 minutes longer to hang out with my tired parents who were ready to get some normalcy back. The same thought kept harboring in my head during this time, "time goes by so fast unless you want it to." My parents are getting older, I live so far away, I am already an existential person, and the pandemic wrecked me mentally because all of a sudden, the people I lived with for three months in 2020, didn't see me for a year after. With all of this building up in my body, I was crying on and off in the airport; glittery cowgirl hat in tow. It really was something to be behold, a girl in a fabulous hat, crying into her enchiladas.

All I wanted was to get a drink, dessert, anything to eat to feel better. But I knew better. This emotional eating habit was something I knew too well and it's a habit I needed to stop. So I opted to taking deep breathes in the bathroom stall of the airport. Once on the plane, I was tired enough to hold myself together. Plus I downloaded my favorite comfort movie, Baby Mamma. Getting off the plane, I got 5 compliments on my hat which boosted my spirit. Then I remembered how excited Elton (my dog) would be to see me. So that lifted my spirits even further. When we got home, Elton couldn't even hold still enough to be pet, he was just so excited to see us, sweetie pie!

After taking a much deserved shower, I looked at myself in the mirror, tiredness seeping from my skin, and I internally whispered, "Good job today, I know it wasn't easy." All this to say, if you have hard time letting yourself be anything but happy; overthink and try to micromanage your wellbeing, I want you to know that having tough feelings has never been a bad thing. It's what you do to cope with them that possibly needs evaluation. But don't fault yourself too much there either. Take it day by day and know that you are worthy of forgiveness.

Graciously yours,

Emma