The Beauty of Injury & Illness

I am not trying to beautify this. I know in the chaos of illness or injury life is fucking brutal. It exhausts you and leaves you feeling weak. Just the other day I twitched something in my neck and was at an 8 for pain. I texted Jacob while at work, with ibuprofen in my system, that when I got home not to expect anything of me today. And how I would love to come home to a squish mallow, tea, and my heat wrap. He delivered beautifully.

Normally, I would instantly use any injury as a reason to blame myself very harshly. Because if I feel this way, there has to be a reason why right? Ultimately it's my body, so it's my fault. So instead of putting my energy towards recovery, I would put it towards talking negatively towards myself. Newsflash, this isn't helpful nor healthy. And since I am working on being compassionate towards myself, tweaking my neck was excellent practice. Instead of immediately throwing myself under the bus, I recognized and remembered that my body was clearly trying to tell me something. Maybe I slept on it wrong, maybe I over pushed it at burlesque class. Either way, it's something, not to be fixated on, but to be conscientious of. It's like the saying goes, "pick a day to relax, otherwise your body will pick for you." I love this saying because it's both saying that you need to encourage rest amongst yourself, but also, if life catches you up in the whirlwinds as it does, your body will demand rest. Whether it's physically or mentally; unconsciously or not, your body is your advocate. It's not dissimilar to what my liver, endocrine system, and thyroid were doing when I got my bloodwork done. They were telling my brain and psyche, "hello, I need help here!" This is no different.

This can, did, and probably will feel overwhelming. I think my doctor at my last visit caught note of this so she said, "you are young and figuring this out, we have time." A wave of letting things be instead of trying to finalize everything washed over me. Later that day, as I was engaging in the self care of taking a warm relaxing shower. I put one hand over my heart and the other over my stomach. And I internally thanked my body for showing me how to take care of it.

Placing my hands on my body has been an organic process I do regularly now. I will continue to explore all the ebbs and flows of this while watching my body root and grow in different ways. I will accept that its hard to be injured or sick, but keep it at that. I am me, no matter what my body needs from me. I am a force, just like a tree, even without it's beautiful leaves.

Caringly yours,

Emma